You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
