It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
