Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
