I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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