I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
