just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
