if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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