you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
