I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
