you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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