I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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