I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
