your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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