Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
