and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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