My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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