You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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