Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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