Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
