Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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