Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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