a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
