If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
