don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
