Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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