I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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