I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
