I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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