So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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