Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
