look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
