I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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