Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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