Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
