don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
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On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I FOUND THE LEGS
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You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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