His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
please come you make the beer taste better
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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