so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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