mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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