foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I will be naked everywhere
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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