Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
