Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
