i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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