I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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