I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i will never coherently bang her
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
