i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
