Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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