what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
