No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
