Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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