last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
