he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
