We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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