just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
