If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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