how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
