I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
