Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
