I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
