did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
