How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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