I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
