I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
