i love accidental penises.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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