I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
