I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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