u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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