feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think weed is turning my hair brown
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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