he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
