ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
