Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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