you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
