I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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